good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
