This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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