do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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