I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
