when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
