My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
