the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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