What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
