umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize