why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You've changed since you got that strap on
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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