escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
