you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
