what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
