I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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