I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
