im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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