Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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