I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
