Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
