I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
