I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
where are my eyebrows?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
