We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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