He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
