Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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