walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
