loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
