the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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