I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
