my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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