I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
