No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
