my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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