How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
