every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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