That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
