How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
