She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
