I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
