if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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