Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
