I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize