Cold hands, warm shart.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
