Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
