it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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