I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
sex in a hospital.. check
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
