I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
