I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
