My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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