On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When did angry sex become our thing?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
