A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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