Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
