no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
