Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I smell stomach acid.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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