Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
