My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
