The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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