just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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