what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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