dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
