Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
