This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
