A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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