Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize